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This and the previous two pictures were from our stay at the Flagstaff Airbnb where I wrote some of the last bits of Losing. |
Part 1; Part 2
This series of essays is not meant to imply that I am “enlightened.”
For one, as I write about in Losing My Religions, I was unable to “mindful” my way out of the depression that followed my fractured neck, spinal fusion, facial reconstruction, and final firing. At some level, I knew everything discussed in the previous post, but was unable to use that knowledge to get out of the depression.
It took a functioning antidepressant to change my brain’s chemistry such that I was able to be happy again. That, in turn, allowed further mindfulness training to help me be less reactive.
I have many other advantages and privileges. Even though my professional life has been mostly misguided and impotent (at best) I have the best partnership I’ve ever known or heard of. We have enough material stability that I don’t have any rational reason to worry about being homeless or needing to take a job cleaning toilets. (I’m not sure I could “mindful” my way to enjoying that job … at least not yet.)
There are several things in my personal life that I still react to with negativity (especially guilt). And I still care about politics and suffering more than is necessary to do what I can to help. Clearly, I have more work to do. (I need “the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”)
But I think the pieces are there for something along the lines of “enlightenment.” I don’t have to meditate myself into some foreign state of consciousness. I don’t have to become a monk or go listen to some “guru” in Tibet. I need to train my brain to not react negatively. A hard task, sure. But I am lucky to be in a position where starting is even possible.
As always, I suggest reading and re-reading Robert Wright’s Why Buddhism Is True (after, of course, writing a review of Losing – my ego certainly hasn’t been mindfulled away ... yet?).
Take care.
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