Vegan food is so unsatisfying

After the fall I talk about toward the end of Losing My Religions, we were talking with the surgeon about my facial reconstruction. He told us I would lose weight during the many weeks my jaw was to be wired shut.

But ... no.

Although it was drug-needing terrible, I didn't lose a single pound the entire time. Anne would make me smoothies 'round the clock, featuring this protein drink (which we still use regularly) and Ben and Jerry's non-dairy ice cream (which we have to avoid buying) or Brave Robot ice cream (same). (But no the Ultimate Meal. Ugh.)

I totally understand that your average person considers eating plant-based to be a deprivation. ("Going vegan won't make you live longer. It will just feel that way.")

However, after 30+ years and the incredible advancements, I would have absolutely zero problems gaining 20 pounds in a few weeks. (It is actually hard to keep to a healthy body mass index, even exercising regularly.)

If Green New American Vegetarian were close to me, I'd weigh a lot more. Gawd, just LOOK at those dishes!

And:

Ronald's Donuts, Las Vegas. Real donuts, none of these "cake" things calling themselves donuts. Last time we were in Vegas, I was able to resist, believe it or not.

This is only a partial list, but obviously:

• Ice cream.
• Donuts.
• Tater tots / tachos. (OMG OMG OMG)
• Potato chips.
• Cheese / pizza.
• Impossible burgers.
• Full-sugar sodas and lemonade.
• Cookies.

To die for.